Step Two - Our Story: The Beginning; The Tiffany Epiphany

You can talk to me if you would like, but I don’t think you would want to hear what I have to say. I have thought a lot about what had happened between us. I was kicking myself for so long wondering what I had done wrong. Through many sleepless nights and weary days, I finally had my “Tiffany Epiphany”. The only way to explain my thought process is to take you through the steps that I had to go through.

It was eating me alive. The acid had leaked out of my broken heart had finally began to melt my bones and set my soul on fire. I began to wonder if my heart has ever really been broken before. Being 25, I was positive I had loved and been in love before. I was wrong. This sting, this agony was driving daggers into my heart and brain day in and day out for weeks. A good man told me that the only way to get over this feeling was to hate her. Hate her? How could I hate someone who I loved so much? How could I hate this person who I had thought would spend the rest of my life with me, and grow old with me? Maybe hating her wasn’t the answer, but something had to be done. And done it was. I got angry. I got mad and resentful to the point where I could just be glad that it was over, and I could move on…

I had laid awake all night that night…still lovelorn. Then it struck me like a ton of wet cats. I remembered the truth. I remembered what actually happened rather than the fantasy that I had built up in my head. I remembered…everything. After dating for over a year, she had left me. How? Through a text message…again. On my St. Patrick’s Day. A day that my Irish family holds dear. My first recollection of this day sent me back to Alive at 5, just the summer a year before. Tiffany had broken down and cried all night to her ‘friend’ Eric. They had been discussing an authentic German cuisine that her grandmother used to prepare for her as a child. When I tried to sympathize, she had gotten angry. When I brought to her attention that she had vanished for over an hour, she got even angrier. When I reminded her that she wanted to get to know my friends better, but she hadn’t actually really spoken with any of them, she had had enough.

She slammed her drink on the table, called me an asshole, and broke up with me…all in front of all of my closest friends…for the second time in a 2 month span. After about 15 minutes of pouting, she had finally come back to the bar. Still in her drunken rage, calls me from outside and demands that I speak with her at once. Obediently, I exited the bar. Outside she had pulled me to an abandoned parking lot to ‘discuss’ what happened. Or, rather, yell at me, slap me, throw my phone (while her mother called, desperately trying to get her intoxicated daughter into the car), and utter hurtful and scornful remarks. Things such as, “this is why Emily left you”, “you’re the worst person I’ve ever met”, “I’m better off without you.” After an hour or so of abuse, I told her that I needed to leave. I was my roommate’s ride home, and we were ready to go. As she implored me to drive her back to my apartment to get her car, I had to fight her keys away from her. I made a deal with her. I told her that I could take her back to her parents house where I’m sure one of them will give her a ride to her car in the morning, or she could stay at my place and drive home herself when she sobered up. After being called an asshole for another half hour or so, she decided it would be better to come to my apartment and sober up. I hid her keys and made my bed on the couch, saying she could have my room. I finally got settled on the couch when I see her standing above me. I roll over on my side and try to ignore her. She asks me to come to bed with her. I tell her that I am better off on the couch. She laid on top of me and started kissing my neck and face. A few minutes later, I caved and went to bed with her.

Why should this story have any relevance to St. Patrick’s Day? I forgave her the next day. I told her that I understood that she was emotional about her grandmother. I said that it hurt that she can’t talk to me the way she did to Eric, but I understood her connection to Eric. I told her that I loved her and would never give up on her or us. I never talked about that day again. I guess when you actually love somebody you can forgive them for just about anything. I’m not sure how me being at a bar to talk to someone who loved my mom and was not aware she had passed away was too much different than what she had done to me. Only I didn’t embarrass her in front of all of her friends, I didn’t talk to a guy who was in love with me for over an hour, and I didn’t belittle her and hit her. I just did something that I had to do. When I was so quick to be understanding the next day, she couldn’t return the favor. I didn’t hear from her for over a week, and when I finally did, it was me who went crawling back again.

Going backwards, I remembered how that whole St. Patrick’s Day fiasco began…really began. She likes to think it had been a long time coming, but this wasn’t so. Earlier in the week, Sunday, she had told me how happy she was to have me in her life, how much she loved me, and how much she appreciated me. Saturday, at the parade, I had defended her and stood up to two men that had wronged her. Then, in her intoxicated state (surprise surprise), I had taken care of her all day. I nursed her, gave her back rubs, brought her water, and bought her a burrito. So, yes, who wouldn’t have been appreciative of that? In her happy state on Sunday, she had told me that I have been spending so much time with her the last 3 months, that it would do me some good to hang out with my friends prior to going back to work the next week.

Monday I had received an email from my good friend Trisha. She had sent out an invitation to the old gang to get together and celebrate her going back to Georgia. Since she is pregnant, she will not be able to travel so much after the baby is born, so she wanted to say her final goodbyes. After a few emails back and forth from the group, I learned that spouses/significant others were not among those invited. I suppose her rationale was that she was pregnant, she gets tired frequently, and she had an early flight the next morning. I didn’t argue because I understood. However, when I broke this news to Tiffany on Monday evening, she had gotten quite upset. She practically hung up on me, but not before making plans with me for Tuesday night after her classes. Tuesday afternoon comes and I receive a text message (surprise surprise) stating that she is not feeling well and will not be coming over. I call her later that night and she says that she is so upset about not being invited to the going away party that she is physically ill. She claims to have just gone to bed after that, but I suspect she saw Jeff instead. She said that she was mad that I didn’t immediately ask if Tiffany could go with me to the party (even though I didn’t make the guest list, and I had already known that spouses/significant others were not allowed…but I suppose that is some how my fault).

Wednesday I text her first thing in the morning, like I always do, to bid her a good morning, and wish her a good day. Her reply, “u2”. All of a sudden she’s a huge fan of Irish rocker Bono. Then I do not hear from her all day, though she normally sends me a message or two during her lunch break. But I suppose drinks (at lunch…surprise surprise) with the boys had run late because I didn’t hear from her. Though I did have much to tell her. Lots of things in fact that I was going to tell her on Tuesday, but she was too busy sulking like a 5 year old, so I never had a chance. She waited until she left work to talk to me. But, I had already begun the plans which I had made when she was ignoring me. It probably didn’t matter anyway because I’m sure she went right over to Jeff’s for some ‘consoling’.

A quick interjection here. I never trusted Jeff, and I never liked him. His snide comments towards me and the inordinate amount of time that he spent with Tiffany was suspicious. Additionally, the messed up ideas he would put in her head would drive me crazy. The articles he would cut out for her about, “How to tell if he is cheating” and “Can guys and girls really be ‘just friends’?” bullshit is inexcusable. Did I ever interfere with his relationships? For the record, I never cheated on Tiffany. Why would I have? She was everything to me. I didn’t need anything from anyone else, and I was happy with her and who she was. Did I have opportunities to? Yes, but so has she. Every guy she has ever hung out with eye-fucks the hell out of her…even when I’m around. And the amount of time that her and Jeff spent together, gave them plenty of opportunities to hide the sausage. Am I saying that Tiffany cheated on me? No, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I found out she did.
To be continued…next up is the beginning – Chris’ going away party part I and part II; my mom’s funeral; Eric; birthdays and Marines…etc.